My mother puts pictures of me on Facebook, usually old ones, and invariably says, “Look how skinny you were!” I’m 60 now, and I don’t look skinny anymore. Her comments bother me greatly. Recently, my daughters-in-law said something to her on Facebook about commenting on my weight and how they don’t see me as overweight but as a whole and wonderful person.
Now, my mother is angry. She says her feelings are hurt because she thought she was “paying me a compliment.” I can’t make her understand that you just don’t make comments on people’s weight, especially on social media. It is unkind. How do I get through to her?
From Fort Worth, Texas
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What your mother is doing is beyond rude. If she wants to reflect on pictures of your past on Facebook, then you should do the same thing with her, except you should be even more brutally insensitive. Here are some suggestions. Find a picture of her when she was in high school, and post the comment, “Look at how smart you were” and add, “Who knew how stupid you would become later in life?” Or, post a picture of her when she was in her twenties along with the comment, “Look at how pretty you were,” and add, “If you wore some old clothes today, I’d swear you were one of the neighborhood bag ladies.” Or may be this idea. Post a picture that was taken of her a few months ago along with the comment, “Look at when you were invited to family gatherings,” and add, “You really missed a great party last week, but if you would’ve showed up, it wouldn’t have been that great,” And lastly, this suggestion. “Post a picture of her that’s been taken in the last couple of days, along with the comment, “Look at when your relatives used to love you,” and then add, “I’m just kidding, because we didn’t love you back then either.” I hope this helps.