I have been married for 39 years to a kind, supportive and loving man. We are both retired. He stays fit with daily exercise, reads, keeps track of our financials and is fun to be with. However, he’s a high-functioning alcoholic. His personality bends to unsavory during most of the evening hours. He will never go to counseling, and support groups for me are not close by.
He was always the breadwinner and provided a good income for our family. He was also a good father to our two sons. (I suspect that our 34-year-old son may also be an alcoholic.) Over the years, I have gone from compassionate to furious about my husband’s drinking. He often hides how much he consumes. I never know if it’s just the two to three nightly beers or the hidden bottle of wine or whiskey in the trash. I recently discovered he also has been smoking pot.
I used to be a social person. We have the opportunity to travel, but it was disastrous in the past. How should a wife deal with an alcoholic in the home?
From Maywood, Illinois
* * * * * * * *
It sounds to me like you married a very successful loser. I think you should deal with your husband and son in a way that you can exploit their drunkenness to your advantage. Here are some ideas. Accuse your husband of doing some horrible things while he is intoxicated, and tell him you will stand beside your man… when he goes to trial, even if you feel compelled to testify against him. Or while he’s boozed up, go on a massive shopping spree that you’ll allege he ordered you to do, after he threatened to beat you up if you didn’t. Or this idea. If he ever drinks with your son, tell them after they sober up, how embarrassed they said they are to be related to each other, and some of the vicious vulgar words they used to describe each other, reduced you to tears, and induced vomiting. And lastly, this suggestion. Tell your husband while he was loaded, he told you about one of his sexual fantasies, and add in light of that, you are demanding that he immediately seeks counseling… and stay away from zoos. I hope this helps.