Dear Blake,
I have a sister-in-law, “Helen,” who has appointed herself as the final word on all family events. No other relative has any input into when, where, what, etc., regarding any family celebration. If it’s not her way, it’s the highway.
The biggest problem with Helen is she schedules everything on the date that fits her calendar without regard for anyone else’s. An example: We once celebrated Christmas in February because that worked best for her. Another time, my wife and I scheduled a complicated vacation around my brother’s birthday so we could be there to celebrate with him. Helen moved his birthday party right into the middle of our prepaid vacation.
More examples: Thanksgiving is celebrated in early December, and other significant dates fall whenever she decides and are subject to change at the last moment at her whim. Complying with Helen’s one-sided demands makes planning for everyone else a nightmare.
The control doesn’t end there. It also includes the venue, menu and guest list. She even puts place cards on the table designating the seating arrangements. As with everything else, these are NOT negotiable. If not complied with, the “offender” is subjected to a minimum of six months of silent treatment and ghosting. How does one deal with this?
Signed, Kimberly
From Madison, Wisconsin
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It’s apparent that your sister-in-law is taking the “my way or the highway” attitude. In her case, you might want to suggest that she walks across the highway… blindfolded. Here are some other ideas. Schedule her personal birthdays on the days of some horrific historic tragedies, that everyone should discuss in detail during the gathering to keep the ambience sad and depressing. Or, try to get her to pay for all of the meals, and then tell everyone to eat before arriving, allege they are fasting, and everyone should ask for the food in boxes that can be taken home, so she’ll still absorb the cost. Or this idea. Plan a cruise for the relatives, and then allege that there was a mix-up with the booking, and her ticket was canceled. And then tell her she is free to follow the ship while paddling on a canoe, and you hope she has waterproof/shark proof luggage. And lastly, this suggestion. After she puts place cards on the tables, let her to emphasize that the people have to sit in their assigned positions. After she says that, secretly take hers and put it outside by the nearest dumpster. But to be respectful, place a tray table out there too, and maybe a second table for some homeless bums that gets food out of the dumpster on a regular basis. I hope this helps.
Blake