Dear Blake,

I have a dear friend of more than 30 years who has a bad habit of being extremely nosy. She says it shows she cares about the person. She asks about members of my family she has never met and why they made certain decisions. How can I politely get her to stop?

Signed, Marge
From Boise, Idaho

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Dear Marge,

Nosy people are often lonely people with low self-esteem. In her case, you should do whatever you can to make her lonelier and to get her self-esteem even lower. Here are some ideas. Ask what were her parents thinking the night  you were conceived, and do they blame each other for not using contraceptives. If she’s married, ask her at what point does she think her husband will violate their marriage vows, and find a woman he’s not ashamed to be seen with in public? If she’s not married, ask her what is her secret for repelling men to the point where even deaf and blind men wouldn’t date her twice? Lastly, ask her if she regrets the decisions she made over the years, that has made her so pathetic and pitiful?  And add that you are asking because you care… about yourself, because you don’t wind up as worthless as all of her friends and relatives says she is. I hope this helps.