Dear Blake,

I am having an issue with the lady who lives above me. I moved into my apartment a month ago because it seemed so quiet in the complex. Before signing the lease, I asked my landlord if the tenant above me is quiet because when you live on the first floor, you can sometimes hear everything going on above you. The landlord assured me that it was pretty quiet. A couple of weeks went by, and it was quiet until one  I heard this stomping noise above me. I thought it would go away.

Little did I know, the lady upstairs watches her two grandsons and another boy. This stomping around goes on all weekend, and it drives me crazy. I was tapping the ceiling to let her know it was getting too loud. She called our landlord and complained! My landlady is also a client of my daughter’s, who is a hairstylist, so I caught heck from my daughter, too. Must I just grin and bear it, or should I say something to the lady upstairs?

Signed, Marla
From San Diego, California

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Dear Marla,

Apparently you have an insensitive neighbor that happens to have no respect for other tenants. You can cause some serious issues with her by purchasing a drill, drilling a hole in your ceiling, and do whatever it takes not to laugh so loud, that someone in her apartment can hear you while you’re implementing my suggested tactics. Here are some ideas after the holes are drilled, get a small periscope to see when anyone is near, and toss some marble through the holes in their path. Hopefully they’ll trip and fall awkwardly, which can increase their duration of their hospital stay. Or, place some fertilizer through the hole The kids will blame their grandmother for the stench and the grandmother will blame the kids. Either way, she won’t want them over there anymore, and they won’t want to come. Or this idea. Insert the very tip of a long broom handle through the hole when those little brats begin their stomping. When they step on the broom, push it up quickly, and toss those little runts into the air. The kids will conclude that a monster is out to get them, and will tiptoe to make sure they don’t arouse its wrath. And this last idea is my favorite. Drill a bunch of little holes in a wide circle. Once you have enough of them, it’s just a matter of time before those energetic brats stomp and the floor caves in. And it wouldn’t be a bad idea that when those kids and that old lady falls through, they you can somehow convince your daughter to be visiting her at that time, so she can get her fair share of broken bones too. I hope this helps.