Dear Blake,

My wife constantly gaslights me. We have four children (ages 1, 3, 4 and 6), and we both work full-time. However, I pull 90% of the weight at home. I do the majority of household chores and much of the parenting. She’s an awesome mom and owns the morning routine and the majority of the care for our 1-year-old, but other than that, I do everything. She’s an elementary school teacher and she goes to bed at 7:30 each night after the kids go down. When I ask her why, she says it’s because she has to serve others at work.

When she gets home, she complains endlessly about her job and makes me feel guilty, as though I force her to have one. When we moved to our current home, we agreed she needed to teach so our kids could go to school in the district. She admits she knows my desire is simply to spend more time with her. We have had a babysitter only four times in six years. Please give me some advice.

Signed, Arthur
From Forest Park, Illinois

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Dear Arthur,

It’s pretty obvious to me that your wife can’t stand you. Now we just have to determine why she is so sickened with your presence. Here are some possibilities. It could be because she has to listen to her students whine all day, and then comes home and hear you do the same thing. Or, it could be because all four children aren’t yours and she goes to be early, so she doesn’t have to deal with guilt of you unknowingly raising someone else’s kids. Plus she may be nervous about you suggesting all of the kids get DNA tested. Or this possibility. She might need drugs to help her get through the day while dealing with those rowdy brats in a classroom, and by the time she gets home, the effects of the cocaine she used has worn off. However, the most likely reason why she turns in early, is because you knocked her up 4 times in half of a decade. So she probably feels beaten up and worn out, and doesn’t want her insatiable assailant (you) getting aroused, which will force her to shoot out kid number 5. I hope this helps.