Dear Blake,

My girlfriend of 17 years is constantly coming at me looking for an argument lately. I can’t figure it out for the life of me. We have built a nice life. We have a child together, a house and two dogs. She has recently been saying something about perimenopause, which I know nothing about. I love what we have and I don’t want to lose it, but I have no clue how to fix it. Please advise me so I don’t lose my family.

Signed, Morton
From Kansas City, Kansas

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Dear Morton,

It’s possible that your girlfriend is going through some biological changes. It’s also plausible that she is finally releasing some pent-up hostility she has had for years, and is finally giving the likes of you, both barrels. Here are some other possibilities. It’s possible that she is angry because you never asked her to marry you, and she believes you’re patiently waiting for someone better you can propose to so you finally start making wedding plans. Or, she may have a lot of regret for breaking up with the man she was dating right before she met you, and it angers her that 50% of your child’s genes came from a loser. Or this possibility. This might be your girlfriend’s way of getting some attention from you, and she’s the happiest when she is verbally cutting you to pieces, and joyfully laughing when you’re reduced to tears. Finally, if she regularly looks for a fight, then she probably has told several of her close friends. And these are the exact same people that will testify that she had perimenopause at her trial, so she won’t go on death row for smothering you while you slept. I hope this helps.