Dear Blake,

I’ll soon be 40, and I still have no idea what I want to be when I “grow up.” I don’t know what I’m interested in doing or what my skills are. It’s not for lack of trying. I’ve taken aptitude tests, IQ tests and personality tests, and I’m still no closer to any answers. I do not know how to choose a job and just go for it. This may be why I never graduated from college — I kept switching majors.

I live with a family member and owe $25,000 in college loans. I can’t afford a car and the financial stress is killing me, not to mention the emotional and mental stress and low self-esteem. I need help. I should have had all this figured out ages ago. Any good, solid advice would be appreciated.

Signed, Candace
From San Diego. California

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Dear Candace,

If you haven’t figure out what you wanted to do with your life by now, you might have some serious mental health issues. I’ll do the best I can as far as advising you, but from the surface you appear to be a lost cause, unworthy of anyone’s attention. Anyway, here are my thoughts. If you don’t know what your skills are, then you probably don’t have any, so I don’t think you should apply for a job that’s anymore complicated than delivering newspapers. If you’ve taken aptitude tests, IQ tests and personality tests, and you’re still no closer to any answers, then you should except the fact that you’re a loser, and immediately lower your expectations. You said you have low self-esteem, which is ok, because in your case, it’s justified. And lastly, if my assumption is correct that you are living with your parents, and they’re embarrassed to admit that you’re their child, use that to your advantage. Tell them you’ll move out, and you won’t tell anyone that they are your parents, but it’ll cost them $25,000. Once they happily give you the money, pay off your student loan to eliminate that financial and emotional burden. But still don’t move out, and threaten to tell the whole neighborhood that they are your parents, unless they continue to give you money upon demand. If it works, you figured out your skills, it extortion and blackmail. I hope this helps.