Dear Blake,

I live with my best friend and his younger son. We get along well, but my friend’s older son is a meth and heroin addict. He has stolen from all of us, but his father refuses to ban him from the house, saying he refuses to give up on his boy. This is tearing their family apart, and I’m at my wits’ end emotionally. Please advise.

Signed, Mary
From Lancaster, New York

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Dear Mary,

The father is very irresponsible for not banning his older son from the house. But there is a simple remedy, which is, make sure that roguish low-life steals something that the father really values, even if you have to encourage the son to rip him off! Here are some other suggestions. Talk him into stealing his dad’s car. Once his father gets tired of walking to work or catching the bus when he has to get around town, he’ll see things differently. Or, persuade him to stealing his father’s food. Prepare a meal the dad really enjoys, and when he is salivating and can’t wait to get home to eat it, tell the son to sell his father’s portions to homeless people, so he can support his drug habit to make more purchases from local street pharmacists. Or maybe this idea. Encourage that thief to steal his dad’s identity. If he commits enough fraud, one of them will have to go to jail. If it’s the son, you’re home free, if it’s the dad, you can kick the son out while his father is incarcerated. And finally, drop a hint for the son to harvest his dad’s organs, specifically his kidneys. And once his father wakes up and realizes what happened, suggest that his dope addict offspring says, “One kidney down and one to go.” The dad will probably attack him then, while disregarding the stitches in his abdomen. I hope this helps.