Dear Blake,

My friend dresses like a slob. We were on a cruise and went to dine in one of the upscale restaurants on the ship. Because she was wearing jean shorts and an old, faded T-shirt, we were asked to leave. We will be going on another cruise soon, and I’m concerned she will do this again. Any advice for our next cruise so this won’t happen?

Signed, Rochelle
From Richmond, Virginia

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Dear Rochelle,

I know you are tired of being embarrassed by your friend that has no idea how easily she is mistaken for being a wandering bum. However help is here, and I know exactly how to deal with raggedy Ann. Here are some ideas. If possible, try to dress even worse than her, to the point she is willing to negotiate, rather than being seen with you in public. Or, try to make her feel self-conscious of the way she dresses, by telling her the next cruise you two go on, you’re going to try to find one that caters to hobos. Or you can also try this idea while you two are on the ocean. Secretly tell some of the other passengers to approach her, and ask her if she is looking for the homeless shelter on the ship. And if none of those work, try this last suggestion. You can force her to buy some new clothes during the cruise by using this simple tactic. When she goes to sleep at night, use her clothes to mop up a spill … that you “accidentally” made. And then apologize to her, explaining that you thought her clothes were just a bunch of rags that were used by housekeeping to clean up extremely filthy floors. Hopefully you’re isn’t disgusting enough to put the clothes on and wear them anyway.  I hope this helps.