Dear Blake,

I have a serious problem I have lived with for practically my whole life. I’m sloppy. I am incapable of keeping my surroundings clean and taking care of my belongings. Each time I resolve to get busy and clean up my house or car or whatever, I become overwhelmed with anxiety and nothing gets done. Being unable to keep my surroundings clean and take proper care of my possessions has led to some very unpleasant situations in the past. I can no longer afford to continue this pattern of behavior. Please tell me what to do.

Signed, George,
From Frankfurt, Kentucky

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Dear George,

The problem you have is very common. Most hoarders start off with what you are experiencing, and eventually they become accustomed to living and sleeping next to piles of garbage. Anyway, here are some of my suggestions. You can ignore your issues, and try to find a dating site that caters to people that keep their homes in a pigsty. It’s possible you can find love, and you two won’t take issue regarding each other’s disgusting filth. Or, if you want to save some money, try living in a dumpster. Considering the way you probably keep your home, in your case, a dumpster might be a step up. Or this idea. Interview/test maids to “hire”, and tell them you will hire them, based on what they can do in one hour. No matter what they accomplish, tell them it wasn’t good enough, and repeat this hiring scam every few weeks. And lastly, this idea. Every few months, leave town for a few days and make sure neighborhood burglars know you’re gone. By the time you get home. Your place would’ve been cleaned out including your trash and valuables. This isn’t a perfect plan, but at least you don’t have to worry about trying to organize anything. I hope this helps.