Dear Blake,

Our only son, who is 32, and his wife are expecting their first child. They have been married two and a half years and relocated to Florida. We followed him down from Michigan because he’s our only child and bought a home about 20 minutes from him. He informed me that he wants me to be the primary babysitter after the baby is born, but after being here a year, I recently acquired a new job that I really want. I don’t know what to do. He expects me to be the babysitter. The baby is due in a few months, so what do I do?

Signed, Gloria
From Lansing, Michigan

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Dear Gloria,

You appear to be stuck in between a rock and a hard place. So what you have to figure out, is how to get your son to nix you from playing nursemaid to his future whining brat. Here are some ideas. Tell your son that you do not believe that people have to wait until they are 21 before they can consume alcohol, because you believe that age should be only 21 months.  Or, tell your son that after his offspring turns 3, you are very curious at what horror movies will scare your grandchild the most (in which you’ll supply), and how intense the nightmares will be. Or this idea. Tell your son that you want other children to know how tough your grandchild is to ensure that he/she doesn’t get picked on. So, before they start preschool, you are going to teach the kid how to flash gang signs, and take them to get a couple of facial tattoos. Finally, this last idea. Tell your son that he has an older brother that he never knew, and you dropped him off at an orphanage when he was just one month old, because you got tired of him waking you up in the middle of the night, demanding food. This should not only stop you from having to babysit, at best you’ll get supervised visitation. I hope this helps.