Dear Blake,

I am a single man who recently turned 40. I am looking to find a wife who, like myself, has never been married and has no kids. I joined several dating websites, but most of the women are divorced or widowed or have kids.

I just discovered a new dating website for single, never married people. I’m not sure if I should join it, but having a website designed for people like me is a great idea. I have read that 25% of all Americans have never been married. Pew Research just reported a brand-new poll and millions of Americans have never been married, so I am not losing hope. Should I join?

Signed, Anthony
From Grand Rapids, Michigan

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Dear Anthony,

You are correct in regards to very few people over 40 that have never married and have no children. In light of that, I believe you’ll probably have to settle for women that most guys would consider are at the bottom of the barrel… or under it. Anyway, here is my advice.  If you want to locate the type of women you’re looking for without joining a dating website, try crack houses and prisons. Always conduct a background check on anyone you date, to make sure that at one time they had kids, but sold them to a foreign sweatshop, and spent the money on new clothes that would attract men… while these loose women go bar hopping. Or this idea. Try to find a woman who is single and childless like you, that’s over 60. They usually have saved a lot of money, and you can financially be on easy street the rest of “their” life. And lastly, consider this likely fact. The people over 40 who are not married, is probably because nobody wants them. So, I think you should join the dating service, so you can meet women, and you two can bond with mutual rejection, since you both have the common denominator of being desperate weirdos. Happy hunting. I hope this helps.