Dear Blake,
About two months when I was camping with some of my friends, I got up in the middle of the night and took a walk. During my stroll, I saw a light come from the clouds, and in a flash, I was abducted by space aliens from another world. They interrogated me for hours, even though I don’t remember what they asked me. My friends think I must have been drunk. I had a few drinks, but I think my abduction still happened. What do you think?
Signed, Marshall
From Camden, New Jersey
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Dear Marshall,
There are thousands of UFO reports annually from all over the globe. If visitors from another world abducted and questioned someone from New Jersey, then the rest of this planet is probably at risk of getting exterminated, because we would appear to a bunch of worthless buffoons. I wish you were and drunk, and hopefully they discerned that. Because if you were sober, the well documented lack of intelligence of the people of your state, would lead them to believe that “we” earthlings are either very primitive, or we have brains that are cross wired that are constantly misfiring. On the other hand, the caveman backwards thinking people like yourself and other residents from New Jersey, might be a plus. Because they may conclude, that because of your strange accent that many people from the other 49 states often can’t even understand, “you” people are superior to the rest of us. (I hope you’re not too dumb to realize that I was being sarcastic with that last sentence). I hope this helps.
Blake