Dear Blake,
I’m 12 years old and my father is a professional baseball player that you have probably heard of. I dread the coming of spring because he drags me out to the park, and gives me pointers on what I need to do to make it to the big leagues. I hate the sport, but I don’t want to hurt his feelings by telling him how I feel. I’m counting on you to get me out of this.
Signed Rookie,
From the west coast
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Dear Rookie,
Fathers often try to relive their youth through their sons. The best advice I could give you, is to convince your father that it’s a bad idea for you to have a baseball bat in your hands. Here are some options. Try to get arrested for threatening to crush the replaced hips of some senior citizens with a Louisville Slugger, unless they give you their social security checks. If your father has one some trophies he accumulated over the years, use some of his most treasured awards for batting practice. Continue doing things of this nature, until he starts to regularly encouraging you to forget about playing baseball in high school, and he would rather you tried out for the chess team or glee club. But, if he still insists that you follow in his footsteps, every time you have a baseball bat in your hands, let him catch you staring at his kneecaps. I hope this helps.
Blake