Dear Blake,
I am a veterinarian and I love my job. My wife thinks I’m too dedicated because I’m always at work, and she insists that we take a vacation. I tried to explain to her that I have to be there, because I am the only person in my staff that can actually talk to the animals, and they talk back to me. If I’m not there, my subordinates have to guess what is wrong the animals, whereas they would outright tell me. Who’s side are you on?
Signed, Isaac
From Topeka, Kansas
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Dear Isaac,
It is good to see how dedicated you are to your patients. But if you genuinely feel that you have the ability to verbally communicate with animals, you should stop prescribing medication for people’s pets, and start taking some of it yourself. And your wife is right, you do need a vacation… an extended one in a padded room. I’m a little surprised that none of your patients have told you that you are a twisted, delusional, sick man, that needs a doctor more that they do. The last time someone talked to a snake, was in the Garden of Eden, and that conversation got the whole planet screwed up. I think you should immediately end your practice, because it’s obvious to me that you’ve chosen the wrong career. Your irrational distorted view of reality should not be wasted on dogs, cats and other pets, instead you should apply for a job as an economic advisor in Washington, D.C. I hope this helps.
Blake