Dear Blake,
I am about to retire from working at the San Diego Zoo for more than 30 years. What I will miss most is talking to the animals, and them talking back to me… literally. They would never speak around anyone else, but when I am alone with them, we talked about sports, religion, politics, etc. And some of our discussions really got intense. My question for you is, do you think they’ll miss me when I’m gone, or are they just telling me that to be kind?
Signed Ron,
From San Diego, California
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Dear Ron,
I want to commend you for dedicating so much of your life to care for a variety of animals from around the world. If you really believe the animals were actually talking to you, I’m not sure if you would fit the legal definition of being insane, but you’d probably be pretty close. Either that, or you were experimenting with some LSD while watching Doctor Dolittle, and now your version of reality is created by disoriented brain cells. And why would you risk getting into a heated exchanged with a tiger or a crocodile over politics? If they could talk as you allege they can, then they can type, so it would be safer to communicate with them through email you idiot! Let me give you a final suggestion. Contact someone in marketing at the zoo, and tell them what you told me. They will probably consider paying you handsomely to also be on display, so patrons can come and watch the North American version of an imbecile… in a padded cage. I hope this helps.
Blake