Dear Blake,
I’m 16 years old and seriously considering running away from home. My parents have been very disrespectful to me ever since I dropped out of school, and found my marijuana plants in my room. Should I leave? Should I stay? What do you think?
Signed, Aaron
From San Antonio, Texas
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Dear Aaron.
I am totally against you running away from home. I don’t like that idea because it deprives your parents the pleasure of throwing your worthless behind out themselves. You’ll get your freedom like millions of other teenagers, that wander the streets aimlessly, smelling like a billy goat due to their indefinite lack of maintaining any level of personal hygiene. Who is going to hire you? What are your skills? To my knowledge, most companies reject résumés of people that say that they have extensive experience of being a misguided idiot. But if your heart is really set on getting high, then there is a very common way to finance this important desire of yours. Burglarizing homes is usually the method of choice of teenagers with your mindset, until they pick a house of a proud member of the NRA, who is patiently waiting for these adolescent losers (that also has the complete boxed set of “Dirty Harry”). I hope this helps.
Blake