Dear Blake,
I’m six years old, an only child, and my mommy will be having a baby soon and we know it’s going to be a boy. I don’t want a brother. Things are fine with just me, my mom and dad. I am very sad.
Signed, Nancy
From Rock Island, Illinois
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Dear Nancy,
Don’t be sad, but look on the bright side. With another child in the house, you can have someone to blame for any incident that your parents didn’t witness. When he first learns to walk and really can’t form sentences yet, you should be able to pin almost anything on him. Accuse him of eating the cookies you were secretly munching on. Point the finger at him, when you accidentally knocked over an expensive vase. As he gets a little older, threaten to rough him up when your parents aren’t around, unless he continues to take the fall for your screw-ups. But there is a downside. Unfortunately, boys usually grow up to be bigger and stronger than their sisters. And it’s just a matter of time before he’ll be at the point that he’ll no longer tolerate your abuse. At that point, write me again and I’ll teach you how to make splints for broken bones, and tourniquets to stop bleeding, because eventually he will understandably and with just cause beat your livin’ brains out. I hope this helps.
Blake