Dear Blake,
Tomorrow is Father’s Day which is always awkward for me. I’m 17 years old, and my dad rarely comes around. He almost never pays my mother child support for me and two younger brothers, yet he buys a new car every other year. He always shows up on Father’s Day expecting to gleefully get a gift from me and my siblings, and I’m tired of this! What do you think we should do?
Signed, Brad
From Louisville, Kentucky
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Dear Brad,
Father’s Day is obviously a day when dads should be honored. However, those rules don’t apply if you’re unfortunately genetically created by a worthless loser. You might feel better if you were honest and candid, and told that deadbeat ovary fertilizing twit, that he only meets the “scientific” definition of a father… barely. But if you don’t want to feel guilty about not getting him anything, then buy him a gift that best expresses his value in your eyes, and I believe some novelty shops still sell rubber doggie mess. I hope this helps.
Blake