Dear Blake,
I’m seven years old and in the second grade. This girl in my class finds me and punches me every day during recess. One of my friends says that means she likes me, and my other friend says it means she hates me. What do you think?
Signed, Cornell
From Dayton, Ohio
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Dear Cornell,
The actions of very young hearts are hard to explain so let’s take a look at both possibilities. If she really likes you and punches as a way to express her fondness, then tell your parents get a restraining order against her. Because her actions suggests to me, that if you were to marry her, she’ll regularly abuse all of your children and any unfortunate family pets. If she’s just being vicious, then you must defend yourself. Go on youtube and type in the name “Muhammad Ali”. By watching his videos, you can learn how to dance around that juvenile bullying bimbo who has been assaulting you, and with precision, hit her with a flurry of combinations that will hopefully knock her out! This will give you some street creds at your next school, right after you get arrested and expelled from the current one you’re attending. I hope this helps.
Blake