Dear Blake,
My son’s heavy metal band has been practicing in my home for years. Now my ears continue to ring. Is there anything I can do?
Signed, Gloria,
From San Jose, California
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Dear Gloria,
Ringing ears and a possible hearing loss is quite common when people listen to loud noises for sustained periods of time. But in this case, it’s your own fault you moron! If they have been playing together for years, and haven’t been signed by a record label, it’s probably because they’re lousy. If you were just a shell of a parent, you would be encouraging your talentless future drug addict son to pursue a different career, preferably one that won’t increase his chances of someone finding him dead in a rundown motel. Here is some more bad news, but fortunately there is also some good news. The bad news is, almost all the people who play in heavy metal bands are going to roast in hell. The good news is, he’ll probably be deaf from playing all that irritating loud music, so he won’t be able to hear his or anyone else’s continuous ear piercing screams while they are partying in flames. I hope this helps.
Blake