Dear Blake,
I have been married twenty years and my wife wants a facelift. She said she’s doing it for me so I will desire her more. We can afford to do it, but I’m on the fence with this idea. What do you think?
Signed, Elvin
From Frankfurt, Kentucky
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Dear Elvin,
Women often go through a midlife crisis which prompts them to desire to alter their appearance. But statistically speaking, your wife has probably become a predatory cougar that’s more than secretly seeing a hot-blooded man that’s still in college. Cut your emotional and financial losses ASAP, and move out immediately to avoid being the laughing stock on your block and at family reunions. That’s life, and these things happen. You must learn to accept the fact that in her eyes, you’ve worn out your welcome, and now she plans to trade you in for a newer more “productive” model. On the other hand, I could be wrong and she could be getting her mug modified for you. Her true motive could be because she knows you so well, that she feels if she ever left you, no one else would ever tolerate your countless contemptuous flaws that would nauseate the average woman. Yep, that’s definitely love and dedication. I hope this helps.
Blake