Dear Blake,
Yesterday my new girlfriend’s car broke down. I told her that I would come over tomorrow to fix it. Here is the problem, I know nothing about cars, not a thing! I really wanted to impress her, but now it looks like my lies will make me look like a fool. Help me get outta this!
Signed, Alex
From Lansing, Michigan
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Dear Alex,
It’s good that you want to be her knight in shining armor, that’s an admirable quality. But don’t feel bad about lying, because as a guy, for one reason or another you’re going to be doing that to her throughout the duration of your relationship. Since she knows nothing about cars, if you speak authoritatively, you can pretty much say anything and she’ll believe it. Say phrases like, “the oiliness of the engine’s interior is creating combustible issues”, or, “the super conductors may have some kryptonite corrosion”. And as you’re speaking, try to appear be deep into thoughts, as if you’re contemplating the proper diagnosis to repair her car. You can ultimately save face by doing this: Tell her that you don’t have the proper tools to fix her car but you’ll try to get them and come back the following day. During that time, have a qualified mechanic diagnose the problem when she’s not around. When she shows up, have the mechanic tell her that you were spot on with your conclusions and he’s fixing it, per your exact instructions. He’ll probably do that for you if either you slip him a few dollars on the side, or you promise to set him up with her after she dumps you, if she ever realizes your pathetic level of automotive ignorance. I hope this helps.
Blake