Dear Blake,
I have only been married for six months, and my wife wants a divorce. She is accusing me of being a hypochondriac (sometimes referred to as health phobia or health anxiety or “illness anxiety disorder”). I feel that her analysis is wrong, even though I am positive that I have had every disease known to man. I went to a couple of therapists that agreed with her, but I believe all three of them are conspiring against me. I’ve been told that you are a person of wisdom. Please give me your thoughts.
Signed, Leonard
From Muncie, Indiana
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Dear Leonard,
Hypochondria is an acute illness that’s sometimes difficult to diagnose. In your case, I believe your body is going through a hormonal change, because you are probably at least one month pregnant. Forget what your wife and therapists said, and start looking for sales on stretch pants. It’s entirely possible that you have a disease called R34, that you could have easily contracted if you came in contact with any of the residents from the southern part of the Andromeda Galaxy. Some of the fatal symptoms include going to bed when you get drowsy, and eating at least one meal per day. I’m guessing that the reason why you are being misdiagnosed, is because you are not going to the appropriate hospital. You need to go to a facility that specializes in you type of issues. And you’ll know you’re in the right facility, if the waiting room is devoid of any sharp objects, and is padded from floor to ceiling. I hope this helps.
Blake