Dear Blake,
I have a seven year old son that refuses to stop sucking his thumb. No matter what I do, I can’t seem to break him of this irritating habit. I’m open to any suggestions you might have. So let’s hear them.
Signed, Suzanne
From Urbana, Illinois
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Dear Suzanne,
This is a common problem among kids that age. The majority of them developed this habit from parents that were too lazy to give them a bottle when the child was hungry as an infant. Anyway, here are some options you may want to consider. Try to convince him that if he keeps this up, his thumb will wither away, and by his next birthday he’ll have only nine fingers. Before he goes to bed at night, soak his thumb in the hottest hot sauce you can find, and don’t let him wash it off. If he begins his obsession in the middle of the night, he’ll wake up feeling like he’s breathing fire! Or, get a very long extension cord, snip the end off, and then attach the live wires to his thumb. Maybe after getting his hair fried a few times from a couple hundred volts of electricity, he’ll seriously consider a new hobby. But this one is my favorite. When he goes to sleep at night, use a file that can be bought at any hardware store, and file his teeth into the shape of fangs. Once he gets over the shock of his appearance, and realizes that his punctured skin will be self-inflicted, he’ll get the message. The only drawback in this idea is that he’ll look like a vampire as he gets older. But that shouldn’t be a problem, as long as you don’t mind him having a lot of friends that hang around cemeteries and blood banks. I hope this helps.
Blake