Dear Blake,
I am 28 old single woman, and most men find me attractive. I get hit on fairly regularly, so I get to go on a lot of dates. But I have a major problem. I fall for men easily, and I always end up getting really hurt. I try to keep my guard up, but I end up falling for their lines and lies every time. I really enjoy the dates, but I was hoping that you can tell me a way I can date frequently, but always have my heart protected. I hear you are often very creative with solutions. I’m all ears.
Signed, Candi
From Bolingbrook, Illinois
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Dear Candi,
Guarding your heart is an emotional defense mechanism that many women use to avoid a painful break-up. But the best way not to endure any grief, is to aggressively sabotage your relationship every time you feel you’re getting too close to him. For example, meet him at a restaurant for a romantic dinner date, wearing an orange jumpsuit, your head shaved, and cut your steak with a homemade shank. Anytime you two ever get into an argument, pull out from your purse a voodoo doll of him, and stick pins in it as you are laughing maniacally at the top of your lungs. When you finally meet his parents, roll your eyes at them often, and then tell them no wonder their son is an idiot. And lastly, try this. Create some bogus documents which reflects that law enforcement is looking for you in regards to the murder of your last boyfriend, with the suggested motive being that he became to clingy. And to further enhance the illusions, anytime you’re riding with him and you see a police car, duck down, start praying while sounding nervous, repeatedly say the words “I don’t wanna go back to prison, I don’t wanna go back to prison”. If he decides he wants to continue dating you in spite of your “past”, it would probably be best that you dumped a man who is that desperate for companionship. I hope this helps.
Blake