Dear Blake,
I’m 14 and I recently became a Christian. I read in the bible that Lucifer once lived in heaven, but he later got kicked out. When I get to heaven, is there anything I can do that will cause God to do the same thing to me?
Signed, Ruth
From Baton Rouge, Louisiana
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Dear Ruth,
It’s good to see that you have made the decision to become a Christian. And yes there are some things you can do that will cause God to give you the boot without warning. Here are some of them. Former gang members that get observed writing graffiti on the wall that surrounds heaven. Any woman that attempts to chip away pieces from any of the 12 gates that are made of pearls to later make a necklace, will be immediately get evicted. Talking loud in any of the countless “G” rated movie theaters in heaven will invoke God’s wrath, and anyone texting during a film will be treated as an ally of the anti-Christ. But God’s biggest pet peeve by far are the streets of gold, which reflects His majesty and glory. If someone gets caught in that area panhandling, or not cleaning up after their dog, they will be forced to wear a life jacket that was soaked in lighter fluid, and then tossed into the lake of fire. (Any requests for swimming lessons will be honored, even though ultimately, it’s pointless). I hope this helps.
Blake