Dear Blake,

I plan on getting married soon even though I am extremely insecure. I am concerned about my husband-to be cheating on me. He said he will always be faithful, but what man hasn’t promised that. Could you give me some tips on what I need to do so he’ll never stray?

Signed, Charlotte

From Dallas, Texas

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Dear Charlotte,

Many women go through those emotions regarding the man in their lives. You should except the fact that men are no good rotten liars, and operate from that premise. Tell him you would have a very negative reaction if you ever found out that he cheated, and then tape a bullet with his name carved in it, to your wedding album. Make him wear an ankle monitor 24 hours a day and show unexpectedly at least three or four times a week. Have him wear a heart monitor, and always ask questions if his heartbeat goes up considerably during his lunch hour. Watch him when he’s sleeping. If he appears to be smiling and happy, more than likely you’re excluded from the dream. In that case, wake him up with an ear piercing scream after you back handed him, insisting that he apologizes for his behavior. But the best way to keep him faithful, is to set him up for a crime that can get him locked up for a while. This will stop him from getting involved with another woman, but it will likely create a set of undesirable issues that may make you leery of both sexes. I hope this helps.

Blake