Dear Blake,

I am a fourteen year old girl. I have been a straight “A” student my entire life, and my IQ test suggest that I am well into the genius category. I have a major crush on a boy in my class. He is a “D” student and barely passes any of his classes. I want to approach him and tell him how I feel, but I’m not sure how it will be received. What should I do?

Signed, Rosie

From Atlanta, Georgia

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Dear Rosie,

Young girls with crushes on young boys have been around since time began. But telling that numbskull how you feel may have some very disastrous results. A relationship with him can lead to marriage and children, which is my biggest concern. You just might have to constantly read things to him (unless he eventually acquires that ability) or slowly explain the plot to him to every movie you two watch together. Also, there is no telling what kind of offspring you two can produce, because imbeciles like him usually have some dominate genes. I would also highly recommend that you see if the mixing both of your intelligence levels is even legal in Georgia, because that state already has its fair share of idiots. Having kids with him would be comparable to conducting a Frankenstein-like experiment, and you’ll have no idea what type of monster will be exiting your womb. At the very least, talk to your parents and tell them everything. My guess is they’ll probably back me up. However, my theory will be shot to pieces if at least one of your parents is equally as stupid as your potential boyfriend. I hope this helps.