Dear Blake,

I’m a 25 year old woman looking for love. I want a thug and where I am from they come a dime a dozen but I am scared a thug will hurt me. I don’t want a normal guy because I’m scared he would bore me. What should I do?

Signed, Debra

From Chicago, Illinois

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Dear Debra,

There are plenty of women out there with your mindset. A dime a dozen? Apparently the price went up. If you’re attracted to thugs, then you probably need some adventure in your life, or you might be turned on at the sight of body bags. I’m from Chicago, and I know that there is a smorgasbord of lowlifes you can choose from. If you end up falling for one, we might end up being related through marriage. I have no idea what the stats are regarding thugs assaulting their women, but my guess is their rage surfaces with the most intensity, when consistent child support is requested. If this is truly the kind of man you want, you must make yourself as desirable as possible by their standards. Put the word on the street that you are a very good cook, loyal to a man that has your heart, and you’re excellent at driving a getaway car. But if your biggest concern is that he’ll hurt you by being unfaithful, then I suggest you get involved with a hardened career criminal. Because it’s just a matter of time before he’ll caught and given a lengthy prison sentence. This insures you that will not cheat on you… with a woman. I hope this helps.

Blake