Dear Blake,

I am a 22 year old woman that graduated from college with honors last year. I now have a very good high paying job, thanks to my mom’s encouragement and frequent motivating comments. My father abandoned her when I was around five, and rarely paid child support. He recently contacted me after learning how well I was doing, and we met for lunch. He went on and on regarding how sorry he was for how little he had done for me and my mother. And then he ended our meeting by asking me to loan him a large some of money. What should I do?

Signed, Donna

From Trenton, New Jersey

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Dear Donna,

I am very impressed with your education and employment situation. This clearly scientifically proves that your mother’s genes were more dominate than that pathetic donor that’s “technically” your father. Tell him if he needs money that bad, he should try getting the cash from the Mafia in New Jersey. I saw “The Sopranos”, and hopefully those loan sharks will deal with him the same way they would on the tv show regarding late payments. Tell him for you to even consider giving him a penny, he must literally get on his knees before your mother and beg for forgiveness. And hopefully while he’s down there, behind her back, she is slowly putting on some brass knuckles, to finally fulfill a fantasy she has had for years. But obviously you have the option of taking the high road by displaying some compassion. If he gives you an acceptable reason to honor his financial request and you’re comfortable he’ll pay it back, then loan it to him. Just make sure that he uses for collateral, one of his lungs and both of his kidneys. I hope this helps.

Blake