Dear Blake,
I am a senior in high school about to graduate and so is my boyfriend. My boyfriend is one of the best basketball players in the state, and he’s got a full athletic scholarship to play at a college on the east coast. Many girls at my school are so envious of me. I found out last week that he plans on dumping me as soon as he leaves town, and that he also has at least three other girlfriends on the side. I had no idea this was going on. I am devastated! What should I do, if anything?
Signed, Leslie
From Los Angeles, California
* * * * * * * *
Dear Leslie,
Male athletes will always get the attention of females, and that will never change. The best way to deal with your hurt, is by displaying vindictive and/or malicious behavior, because it will speed up the healing process while simultaneously destroying his career. Try some of these. Inform his new school that he cheated on every test for all four years, and will cry like a baby if he cannot sit next to Asians during final exams. Tell them that he recently joined ISIS, and will demand to be allowed to pray to Mecca during the middle of a game… or else. You can also submit to his new coach some bogus documents that state that he would be in family courts more than basketball courts, after admitting last year he impregnated all of the cheerleaders. And finally, the best way to turn his teammates against him when he gets to the east coast is to do this. Anonymously send them a signed confession he made to the police, that he was blackmailing several boys that were high school freshmen. And they were paying him not to pass out the pictures he took of them when they were in the showers, in order to prevent their female classmates from laughing at the ones that hadn’t reached puberty. I hope this helps.
Blake