Dear Blake,
I am six years old and in the second grade. There is this boy at school who found out that I said I liked him, and he told me that he really likes me. Last week he asked me if I would be his girlfriend and wife, and I said “yes”. During recess if he sees any other boy playing with me or talking to me, he shoves them and sometimes makes them cry. I don’t like him anymore but I haven’t told him yet. What should I do?
Signed, Gwynn
From Chicago, Illinois
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Dear Gwynn,
There is obviously something about you that he highly values. But if he keeps this behavior up, someone will eventually take him out, and I don’t mean McDonald’s for a kiddie meal. If this bully continues to act that way, tell him you don’t want to play with him anymore, and see if you can’t talk the local school bus driver into taking you downtown so you can request a restraining order. You can tell his parents he’s being mean, and suggest that they send him to an orphanage run by yardstick wielding nuns with nasty attitudes. If you have a big brother, have him “talk” to your soon to be ex, in an alley… with no witnesses. A big sister that’s a tomboy with retractable claws, can also be just as effective in persuading him to stay away from you. And even if you’re an only child, the problem is still temporary. Because you live in Chicago, his antics on the playground during recess won’t be tolerated for long by his peers. Just be patient, and it’s just a matter of time before he comes up missing… and you become a widow. I hope this helps.
Blake