Dear Blake,
I’m 8 years old and I often think about running away from home. I hate it here. My irritating parents are constantly asking me to do better in school because I fail most of my classes. They always ground me when I throw and break things when I get mad. And I’m sick and tired of my little brother and sister tattling on me, every time I hit them or take their toys. I feel it would be better for me if I left this place. What do you think?
Signed, Sonny
From Baton Rouge, Louisiana
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Dear Sonny,
Family life can often be traumatic while growing up. But I don’t think running away is the answer, especially when the streets already have more than enough out of control punks like yourself. So it bothers you when your parents want you try harder in school? Don’t worry about that. Give them time and they’ll accept the fact that you’re extremely stupid, and will eventually drop the subject. When you get mad, you throw things? I wish your father was the same way, and when he got mad he threw things… like you, and hopefully he was a quarterback in his youth. And you bully your siblings? You better hope in the near future they don’t jointly conspire to get even with you, because at their age, they can’t be prosecuted, because they don’t understand the ramifications of committing aggravated battery. However, I am against you running away from home. This way, your parents does not have to warn your siblings about what kids in the neighborhood they want them to avoid at all costs because of the negative influence. Instead, they can simply point across the dinner table at you, and remind that more than likely when you die, you’ll be buried in a prison cemetery. I hope this helps.
Blake