Dear Blake,
I have recently moved into a townhouse. It is lovely except for my next door neighbors. They are a pair of lawyers who are savvy about staying within the letter of the law and pushing the townhouse association’s rules. They have annoying behaviors such as claiming unassigned parking spaces in such a way that puts the rest of us at a disadvantage. They drive their motorcycles off their patios, filling our homes with exhaust and noise, and leave on bright floodlights for nights on end, which lights up my window and is annoying. The other neighbors have adjusted to this pair’s limit bending. I seem to be the neighbor most affected by their behaviors. Is there anything I can do? I’m about ready to lose my mind, it just isn’t fair.
Signed, Maurice
From, Dallas Texas
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Dear Maurice,
Congrats on your move to your new home. But if your neighbors don’t respect anyone in the community, you should all work together like a cohesive unit, and run those shysters out of town. The next time they “claim” unassigned parking as theirs, have the vehicle towed… while they are still in it. Have it taken to the highest crime area in the city, and tell the people who live there that the two passengers are district attorneys, and have put many of their friends in prison. As far as their motorcycles, find the biggest, stinkiest Hell’s Angels in your community, and tell them you know some people that are giving away some bikes. Chances are, the couple won’t attempt to stop them, unless they have some excellent health, dental coverage, and a life insurance policy that covers unexpected death. There is even an easy solution to resolve the floodlights problem. All you have to do is figure what would be a softer more soothing color on the floodlights, and then buy the corresponding can of spray paint. But the fastest remedy for not being bothered by the neighbors from Hades, is for you to simply move. The items you don’t want to take with you, set them on fire in your living room right before you permanently leave. The fact that your home is connected to theirs and will quickly engulf the adjoining townhouse in flames, is a legal issue that they should take up with the architect. I hope this helps.
Blake