Dear Blake,
My roommate at our apartment is one of those scarily competent people. She does a lot of things well and doesn’t stress things that aren’t a priority. When her breath started to smell a few months ago, I told her nicely and in private. She was annoyed but then thanked me a few hours later and said she was glad to know. The problem is that she doesn’t really seem to have done much about it. I notice now before we go out she rinses her mouth out with water (what good does she think that will do)? Should I follow up with more concrete suggestions (tongue scraper, mouthwash, brushing more, maybe looking into medical causes)? Or do I just assume it’s not a priority for her?
Signed, Gail
From Seattle, Washington
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Dear Gail,
I understand how difficult it is to discuss with your roommate a subject so personal. But I also understand how difficult it would be to breathe around someone that wreaks like your roommate that can cause flowers to wilt. What you need to do is to start dropping subtle hints to Miss Manure Mouth. Anytime you’re near her, make sure she sees you holding your breath until you can place on your face, a gas mask. You say she rinses with water? Maybe she’ll get a clue if you told her to rinse with water… right out of a boiling pot. You can also fight fire with fire. Make your breath even worst than hers by eating everyday, sardines soaked in garlic, and then wash them down with a tall glass of buttermilk. But if you want to do something simpler that’ll still have an impact, you’ll need the help of your landlord. Tell him to come by when she’s there. When she opens the door, tell your landlord to immediately demand a pet deposit, and to tell her that she needs to change the kitty litter box… that he thinks is overflowing. I hope this helps.
Blake