Dear Blake,

Last year, I met and fell in love with a woman that I plan on marrying later this year, but currently we are at an impasse. I was born and raised on the south side of Chicago, and she was born and raised in Billings, Montana. She wants a western type wedding in Montana, and I want a typical Chicago-style wedding in the Windy City. Our future relatives have begun taking sides. Neither one of us wants to yield. What should we do?

Signed, Alfred

From Chicago, Illinois

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It is obviously very important for both of you to feel comfortable on your big day. But since around half of all marriages end up getting dissolved, where or how this fiasco happens is irrelevant. In my opinion, both locations are awful because it appears you’ll either be saying “I do” in a barn or a pool hall. First of all, I think it’s a bad idea for you two to walk down the aisle, because your cultures are too different. What does cattle rustlers have to do with carjackers? If it was up to me, no one would be allowed to get married to anyone who has lived outside of their state. The only exception would be California, where I don’t believe anyone she be allowed to marry, and hopefully that will cause a breeding reduction. But if there is really a love connection between you two, the venue won’t matter because your in-laws will get along just fine. Mainly because all citizens in Billings, Montana and the south side of Chicago, never leave their homes without carrying a gun. I hope this helps.

Blake