Dear Blake,
There’s this guy I like at my company, and I’m not sure he likes me in return. Here are the facts:
- He teases me.
- He starts conversations with me that are not necessary.
- He touches my back sometimes.
- He cooked me dinner twice.
- When I told him he was not strong enough to lift me, he carried me from the front door of our office building to my desk on the third floor.
I’m 22, and he is 25. Do you think he is interested?
Signed, Adrian
From Las Vegas, Nevada
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Dear Adrian,
We are approaching spring, so love is in the air! Unfortunately, it’s not mutual, because regardless of what your friends may say, I am convinced that this guy has zero interest in the likes of you. I’ll break it down per your five points. You said he teases you. That is a clear sign that he sees flaws in your character that he thinks needs to be corrected, because there is something about your presence that he finds irritating. When he starts conversations that aren’t necessary. The reason for that, is he thinks you need to sharpen your verbal skills because you speak like a dropout from a public school. If he touches your back a lot, that’s a clear sign that he often wonders if you have a spine, suggesting that you are frequently too wimpy to stand up for yourself. The likely reason why he cooked for you twice is because he thinks you’re overweight and you need a better diet, or you’re underweight and he’s trying to fatten you up. Either way, it reflects that he finds you extremely physically undesirable. And finally, he carried you from the front door of your office building to your desk on the third floor. Initially I couldn’t figure that one out, but I finally did. More than likely, he was partially fulfilling a fantasy he’s been having about you. I believe that he thinks of you as a lazy unproductive, worthless employee, and what he really wanted to do was drop you down a flight of stairs or an empty elevator shaft. Both options rids him of the detestable glob that torments his soul for 40 hours a week. I hope this helps.
Blake