Dear Blake,
I was scheduled to get married three days ago, but at the last minute, we called it off. What should I do with all the wedding gifts?
Signed, Gwynn
From Thousand Oaks, California
* * * * * * * *
Dear Gwynn,
I hope both of you are ok with the difficult decision you two made. Should you return the gifts? Absolutely not! The guests assumed the risk and was fully aware of the possibility at the last minute, you two would decide that you couldn’t stand the sight of each other. Who should keep what gifts? That depends on who was mostly at blame for ending the fiasco of your cancelled sham marriage. The person least at fault should get to keep the most expensive gifts, while the other one keeps the K-Mart crap. It would not be fair if everyone kept the gifts from their relatives, because one side of the family could be wealthy, while the other side can be a collection of losers that stay broke. However, if both of you feel that everything should be returned to the giver, then there is a certain way I feel it should be done. Take all the gifts to your local pawn store, and you and your “former” husband-to-be should split the money. Give the people that bought the gifts the receipt, and if they want the gifts back, they can go get them. If you two schedule a wedding often enough and repeat this process, you can secretly get married and have your idiot relatives unknowingly setting up your retirement. I hope this helps.
Blake