Dear Blake,
My sister got married in L.A. I live in New York, and I threw her bachelorette party in Las Vegas. I booked and prepaid for hotel rooms and a rental car for the five bridesmaids, so each of the young ladies owed me $175. One gave me the money as soon as she arrived, another after being reminded, and a third claimed she would send it to me via my sister the following week. The last two said they’d pay me later. Needless to say, I never got the rest of my money. Well, imagine my surprise when my sister called and said the same three women who never paid want to come to New York for a visit and stay with—guess who? Is it wrong to charge these women $175 to stay with me?
Signed, Franny
From, New York City, New York
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Dear Franny,
I’m sorry for what the bridesmaids have financially subjected you to. But there are various ways to get your money back from those insensitive miserly bimbos. Threaten to sue them in small claims court and emphasize to those wretched women they will have to fly across the country to defend themselves. You can ask them if you can borrow $175 from them due to an emergency and you’ll pay them back within 48 hours. And once you get the money, mail them a package containing a lollipop/sucker, they’ll figure it out. If they want to visit the Big Apple and stay with you, that will be great! As they enter your front door, have a sign on a desk that reads “check-in” just like hotels, and charge those cheapskates $175 per night, not including meals, television, or linen. You should also tell them that the house rules are, all cell phones are confiscated at night and returned each morning. My guess is you’ll be able to find some embarrassing text messages and/or images that they’ll be eager to pay you, not to make them public. But the easiest way to deal with this, is to invite your sister over and explain to her how her bridesmaids to advantage of you. And as your sister leaves your place and notices that all four of her tires have been removed from her car, tell her by some strange coincidence, you happen to have tires that are very “similar” to the ones she had, that you are willing to sell for $175 each. And the best news is, this will never happen to you again, because if your sister were to ever re-marry, there’s no way in Hades you’ll be getting an invitation… even if she’s speaking to you at that time. I hope this helps.
Blake