Dear Blake,
My 5-year-old daughter recently came home in tears because a classmate, told her I was a liar and she was an fool for believing my lies. Then she asked me if I had been the one putting money under her pillow when she lost a tooth, and presents under the tree at Christmas. Ultimately, I told her that, yes, I had. My daughter seems to be a little depressed now. What should I say to her?
Signed, Rosemary
From South Bend, Indiana
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Dear Rosemary,
You were put in a position where you had no choice but to tell your daughter the truth. You should’ve also explained to her that lying is a common instrument that she’ll be using often when she becomes a teenager, when her parents ask her direct questions. As far as getting money under her pillow, tell her that no one in their right mind other than a mom or dad, is going to reward a child for eating too much sugar causing her teeth becoming rotten and falling out. Tell her the concept is disgusting, so she should just reap the rewards and shut up. In regards to getting gifts under a tree, most homes and apartments do not have chimneys that a jolly old elf can climb down. And even if they did, he’d eventually get shot dead while conducting his unauthorized entry, and the reindeer would be hacked up and frozen, and eventually served at a summer picnic. Ask your daughter will she want her husband to tell her the truth when she asks him if her butt looks too big in some jeans that are bursting at the seams? And finally, tell her that her father lies all the time in regards to his whereabouts. Then show her the findings of your divorce attorney, plus some photos taken by a private investigator that has telescopic lens on his camera. I hope this helps.
Blake