Ask Blake Picture111

Dear Blake,

All of my grown children regularly come to my home unannounced and stay for extended periods of time. I love my kids, but I value my privacy. What’s worst is, they never pick up after themselves, they leave trash everywhere, and my house looks a disaster area within a day of their arrival. I am very frustrated! What should I do?

Signed, Rebecca

from Maywood, Illinois

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Dear Rebecca,

Here’s what you should do. Invite them all over for dinner and prepare their favorite meal. Then pour you heart out respectfully telling them exactly what is bothering you. But before they arrive, be sure to sprinkle some quick acting untraceable poison on their food. This should resolve the problem in a matter of minutes. So in the future, whether you get lonely because they obviously can no longer visit you at your home during the holiday season, or you’re sitting on death row for premeditated murder, the important thing is, you won’t have to interact with your pathetic children that are apparently filthy enough to make a maggot gag. I hope this helps.