Dear Blake,
I am a 51-year-old married woman. I have a friend who is 68 and divorced. We have a great time together joking and laughing. However, lately I have noticed changes in her behavior that are alarming enough that I’m reconsidering our relationship. Recently we went to a flea market and I watched her pick up and try on a ring. Then she pretended to return it, palmed the ring and slipped it into her pocket. I was shocked. I thought I was seeing things, but it happened a second time — this time with a heart pendant. Next she stole a bottle of hand lotion, which were three for $1. I know she has money, but she’s also cheap. I am appalled by her behavior and don’t know what to do. Do I tell her I caught her, or let it go and not shop with her again? I don’t want to be associated with a thief. Help!
Signed, Laura
From Detroit, Michigan
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Dear Laura,
I feel your frustration, knowing that you have a friend who is at the least, a shoplifter. But seeing that you live in Detroit, who isn’t? Anyway, here are some options. You can tell her you are aware of her actions, but that might prevent her from returning the things that she’s probably already stolen from you. How about leaving your keys in your car, and if she goes for the bait, call the police and tell them you were carjacked by an admitted terrorist that needs to be stopped by all means necessary. Or this. Give her some counterfeit bills, and then contact the Secret Service alleging that she is the leader of an underworld organization that’s trying to overthrow the U.S. government by screwing up our economy. In conclusion, the most important thing to do, is to get her off of the streets and behind bars. And if she tries to steal her cellmate Big Suzy’s cookies, Big Suzy will end up in solitaire for a vicious assault, and your friend will end in a body cast in the prison hospital. I hope this helps.
Blake