Dear Blake,
I have depression and anxiety problems. My dad sometimes forgets that I have it. I asked him if I can have a service dog for my mental health problems. He says I can’t have one. I understand his reasons, but I think it would help me. I really need help.
Signed, Jacob
From Wichita Falls, Texas
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Dear Jacob,
Sorry to hear about your emotional issues. However, if you really want a service dog, there are some things you can do that’ll have your father practically begging you to go out and get one. Here are some ideas that’ll prompt the desired reaction. Go out and buy a talking “service” parrot that’ll say some embarrassing things about your father when guests are over, like, “I don’t think the IRS will figure out how much I cheat on my tax returns”, or “it’s been ten years, and no one has found out where I hid her body”. Or, tell your father that you plan on ordering some “service” killer bees, because you like the soothing relaxing sound of their wings and people screaming from getting stung. Or how about this idea. Let him see you scattering food on the floor in your kitchen because you need to be comforted by some “service” roaches. The important thing is, that your father understands how much you need someone to talk to, so you can express your innermost feelings. So consider this last idea. Let him come home to see you talking to someone about your secret thoughts, desires, and concerns. After your father observes that person you’re talking to has rotten teeth that’s puffing on a glass pipe, and you inform him that the individual is your “service” crack head, the first question he’ll ask you is, “do you want a collie or German shepherd?” I hope this helps.
Blake