Dear Blake,
I am in a weird situation. I’m 31 years old, but I find myself extremely attracted to my neighbor. She is one of the nicest people I have ever met in my life, and she is 87 years old. Should I ask her out?
Signed, Seth
from Baton Rouge, Louisiana
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Dear Seth,
There comes a time in every man’s life that he falls for a woman that’s older than he is. But, she is 87! Are you freakin’ kidding me? If you really want to go out with her, ask her immediately while she can still hear. Why would you want to date someone that has their hip replaced, nearly as often as you have the oil changed in your car? If it was the other way around, she wouldn’t be considered a cougar, she would be more like the extinct saber-toothed tiger! If it’s really important to you, go ahead and try to date her, on the outside chance that it might work and you two living happily ever after. Just prepare yourself from the constant daily calls from morticians, informing you of some of their ongoing promotions and discounts. I hope this helps.
Blake