Dear Blake,

My husband and I have a friend of 35 years name Hank. Hank had an accident three months ago. His vehicle was totaled, and he has been depending upon us to take him grocery shopping and to various appointments. When we take him, he often adds additional stops without asking ahead of time, which turns a quick trip into a marathon shopping excursion. We still work part-time, while Hank is retired. He is procrastinating about buying another vehicle, citing various reasons why he can’t find the right one, and we are becoming exhausted from driving him around. We have mentioned several times that he needs to get a vehicle; his response is, “It’s not easy.” We feel sad that our friendship has taken this turn. We have tried to be as helpful as possible, but our patience is wearing thin. What do you suggest?

Signed, Millie
From Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

*                    *                    *                    *                    *                    *                    *                    *

Dear Millie,

It’s sad that your friend is abusing a long lasting friendship. Fortunately, there are ways to put this lazy loser in his place. Ok, here are some of my suggestions. Have him give you a list of everything he wants, so you’ll know beforehand all the stops you’ll have to make. And make sure he pays you upfront… including a 50% gratuity. Or, charge him the same rates as a monthly car payment. If he pays it, then show him some of the cars he could easily afford if he wasn’t a selfish insensitive moron. This third idea might work. Insist that he purchases you something at every store he shops at. And when he sees how much that is costing him, eventually that miser will start buying everything online. Finally, this last idea has hidden benefits. Charge him the same rates as Uber, or to really put the screws to him, have him pay NYC taxi rates, and make sure he pays after every stop. If he refuses, put him out of your vehicle. The upside to that is, if the injuries from the accident were to his legs, walking for miles will help strengthen those muscles, and if he’s dropped off in a rough neighborhood, he’ll be doing some running too. I hope this helps.

Blake