Dear Blake,
I am in a well known rock n’ roll band that tours worldwide, that I won’t name. Between me and the other band members, we have over 20 kids with groupies, in 8 different countries. When we aren’t creating children, we’re partying and using drugs. Even though I’m having the time of my life, every now and then I feel I’m missing something and I feel empty inside. Do you have any thoughts on my career choice?
Signed, T
from Los Angeles, California
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Dear T,
Being a successful musician is the aspiration millions of people have around the globe. Statistically speaking, by the time your fatherless children are grown, you’ll likely be either a “has been” playing in small town night clubs, or dead because of your lifestyle. Unfortunately, starry-eyed air-headed groupies have no problem being impregnated by someone that can’t remember their name, and are actually stupid enough to brag about it. Impressionable teenage boys probably considers the members of your group role models, as their parents continually regret not putting these rebellious losers up for adoption immediately after their birth, or using contraceptives nine months before that. If your band presently tours world-wide, that suggests to me that you’re not a “one hit wonder”, and that’s a good thing. So, on the up side, if your band consists of genuinely talented musicians, you guys will probably be performing at sold out concerts, once the entire band eventually reunites in hell. Because it is very likely that there are plenty of people down there patiently awaiting your arrival, take pride in knowing that you’ll soon be surrounded by fans, fortune, and flames. I hope this helps.
Blake