Dear Blake,
Over the past two years, I have had five jobs across the United States. Every time I take a job, I say to myself: This is the dream job, and this is where I want to live. However, after the third month of employment, I get bored, and I start to make plans to find another place of employment. This is getting tiresome because I am 45 years old, and I would like to settle down and eventually start a family. How can I find some solace in settling down? Can you offer any advice?
Signed, Porter
From Lancaster, New York
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Dear Porter,
By you floating from job to job, suggests to me that there is a bigger problem. I’m not sure if it’s your idea to leave, or your employer regretting ever giving you an interview. Anyway, I’ll address some possibilities. Could it be that you decide to quit because you’re concerned that your bosses may discover how incompetent you are? Maybe you padded your résumé so much, that you’re worried about falling short of those lies, and you making HR look like idiots for hiring you in the first place. At 45, you apparently haven’t decided what you want to be when you grow up. If your parents are still alive, you should move back in with them until your brain has reached adulthood, and also promise to abide by any curfew that your mommy and daddy may impose on you during the leaching period. If you have had five different jobs across the country in two years, it sounds to me like you’re running from law enforcement. Send me another letter with a picture of you that I can forward to the FBI. If you are wanted for crimes, I won’t turn you in, as long as the money you offer to pay me is comparable to the reward offered for assisting in your capture. And finally, you said you get bored easily, so what you need is a dangerous job that will keep you mentally focused. Loggers is one of the most treacherous jobs in America, so apply for work in that field. And if you don’t constantly pay attention, you can get crushed by a tree, attacked by a wild animal, or cut to pieces by a fellow employee that has anger management issues, that’s also handy with a chain saw. Ok, head to the nearest forest and good luck… if not good bye. I hope this helps.
Blake