Dear Blake,
Last year, my across-the-street neighbor backed into my car. At least, that’s what I think happened.
My car was parked legally on the street, and there was a huge dent in it. I called the police and, based on the location of the dent and the neighbor’s driveway, the officer determined that the neighbor had backed into it. Furthermore, light blue paint from my car was on her car’s bumper.
When the officer went across the street, the neighbor came running out screaming at him. She was hysterical and belligerent, and she denied it. Eventually, the officer told me that even though he was certain she did it, there was nothing he could do since it was her word against mine.
I had never met this woman before, but she is mean, and I often hear her screaming and cussing at her small children. Last week, I arrived at work to discover that my company had hired a new clerk. I’ll give you one guess who it is. I don’t think she realizes I’m her neighbor. I must interact with her often at work, and so far, I’ve been professional but chilly toward her.
At some point, she’s going to see me in my yard and realize I’m her neighbor. Should I clear the air now, or should I pretend it never happened? I’m still angry because she cost me a lot of money.
Signed, Debbie
From Concord, New Hampshire
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Dear Debbie,
The evidence in my opinion, shows that she did back into your car. And because she is obviously an extremely dishonest person, you must do everything to get her fired, even if you have to stoop to her level… or beneath it. Here are some ideas. Have a male call HR and allege that she offered to have a fun time with him for a reasonable fee on company property, and she insisted that he tells all of his friends with some disposable cash. Or, when she’s not around, on her computer, log into some disgusting websites that the company can track back to her, and see if she can explain her obsession with human sacrifices. Or try this. From her computer, “accidentally” send out an email to her superiors, emphasizing how stupid management is, especially the “moron” that owns the company. And if you feel really devious, try this one. Find someone in accounting that is willing to set up an allotment, that automatically sends money from her account to yours. Shortly thereafter, get into management, become her boss, and then bring up the car incident. If she appears want her money back, fire her on the spot, and allege she said she glad she ran into your car, and she plans to run you over in the company parking lot. If she eventually goes to court and gets convicted on conspiracy to commit murder, tell her to hope that she doesn’t have a cellmate that’s too masculine. I hope this helps.
Blake